My, it’s been awhile.
I was sitting here for a few minutes just really wanting to get the creative juices flowing — so here I am.
2017 is here and in honor of this new year beginning I would like to reflect on 2016.
Last year was a pretty big year for me, lots of good times but also a handful of bad times. Like everyone else I had goals. Things I wanted to accomplish. Most of them I did, however in other areas I was lacking; in some cases greatly. Let’s begin with the reflection shall we?
- Overcoming my body dysmorphic disorder
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Christa, BDD isn’t just something you overcome and are suddenly done with.” « (I think, at least)
I know that. Trust me, I do. I’ve been struggling with it since I was 10 years old, but you know what? Despite BDD always being in the farthest recesses of my mind I finally learned how to control it. How to overcome those moments where I wanted so badly to stop in front of the mirror to judge everything that’s wrong with myself. It wasn’t even a want, it became something I needed to do. It had gotten so bad at one point that I found myself doing it every single day. Every time I passed a mirror. In my home it was bad, but out in shopping malls and clothing stores it was a nightmare. It’s one thing to check yourself out but another entirely to look at yourself with nothing but disdain and disgust, pointing out what you need to work on — constantly. It killed my happy-go-lucky soul. It made me so sad. With a little push from my boyfriend and close friends, I was able to control that need. I’d walk by the mirror, or if I did look at it I didn’t look at the areas that made me unhappy but instead focused on the whole picture and the woman looking back at me. Like I said, while from time to time I find myself slipping up I’ve come so far. I want to continue this in 2017 and make it go away all together.
- Being on the road to finally finding my true self
As people, I believe we tend to be molded by the other people and things around us, constantly, even if we aren’t aware of it. I found as the year came closer to ending that I tend to adapt other people’s mannerisms, characteristics, or even habits if I myself admire them and believe it will somehow make me more like-able to others. Does this make sense? If it doesn’t, I’m sorry but it is something I picked up on. I turned 26 in 2016 and even then I came to the realization that I still haven’t truly found myself. I know who I am but not 100%. If that makes any sense at all. Is it possible to truly know who you are? Sure, I’m 26 but I’ve spent years figuring this out, changing and learning, as we all have and do, and I still am, so will I ever know for sure? In 2017 I want to have a better grasp of who Christa really is.
- Taking the first steps towards my dream
For the first time last year, I dipped my toes into the waters that are voice acting. I decided to take a workshop titled Investigating Voice Over which basically was a couple hours of a class/evaluation held by a professional to help figure out if I am really cut out for this crazy thing that is my dream. What an experience it was. I was filled with confidence during the workshop and out of all the people that attended (maybe 15 ~ 20 total) I felt the most experienced or to put it bluntly — the best of them all. Despite being nervous delivering script reads, the evaluator rarely had any criticisms. It was thrilling. After it was over, I received a review in which I was told that I had a very natural delivery and marketable voice. It was highly recommended for me to pursue a full-time career in the field of voice over. As you can imagine I was ecstatic. I joined a website and began to audition for roles every day, and while I hadn’t been able to get anything I did get a lot of feedback from some very nice people applauding my work and saying they would contact me in the future because they really liked my voice. It was a bit discouraging to be auditioning for work and never getting anything so I decided to take a break from it. It’s frustrating when you don’t live in a place like Los Angeles where you can physically go into audition for roles, make an impression, and know that day whether or not you got the part. I have decided for 2017 I will make a soundcloud to serve as a website (for now until I can create a more professional one) where I will post demos and different samples of my work, save money and take more classes to learn more about the industry, begin to audition again everyday, and just work extremely hard. Actually, I am attending a major workshop in New York for voice acting in May and I am very excited. By that time I am hoping to have roles under my belt.
- Learning what family really is, and how important it is
2016 was rough in regard to family, but I pulled through. I’ve been lucky enough this year to spend Christmas with my boyfriend and his family in Ireland and the experience really meant a lot to me. When I was younger, Thanksgiving was the bigger deal out of the two as we had an official get together and just sat with one another for hours on end, whereas Christmas Eve was a day where we would exchange gifts and consume ham and also maybe a dessert. I can’t remember every detail, my memory is fuzzy. When I was young, I really enjoyed those get-togethers but I realized that at a certain age I conceived the idea that I was the ‘black sheep’ of the family and began to get very silent during these special occasions. I remember just wanting to go home. Being here with my boyfriend’s family struck a chord in me, I miss my family. I made an effort last year to visit my Aunt’s house when I could; but I would like to make it more frequent for 2017.
- Discovering true friends
This is pretty self-explanatory. I made the choice in 2016 to end a lot of friendships. Not out of spite, or due to holding a grudge or anything ridiculous like that but simply because I believe everyone comes into your life for a reason. You can chose to close the door on people or they can chose to go themselves. Relationships are a two way street no matter who they are with. Both people involved have to put in effort, be nice to one another, be honest, and just be there. I’ve sacrificed a lot of myself for other people who just never did the same for me and nobody deserves that. It feels so shit, it really does. I am thankful for my friends that don’t take me for granted and put effort into our friendship, the relationship that we share. I don’t really have a specific goal in mind for 2017 in relation to this, but I do want to spend more time with my close friends even if that means traveling more to see the ones that are farthest away. ♥
- Falling in love
Brace yourselves, the cheese is coming. I’ve been so lucky to find a person who completes me in every sense of the word. I’ve never been happier in my life. It’s funny when you find someone and think you know what real love is, but then let some time go by and end up meeting someone new that shows you in actuality what love is and can be in its entirety. My boyfriend is one of the smartest people I know. He works hard everyday to follow his dreams and always motivates me to follow mine. He makes me feel beautiful, smart, and gives my life meaning. He’s given me the opportunity to travel to Ireland every couple months to see him and his lovely family and gives me everything I need. In 2017, and for the rest of my life I want to cherish what we have, I want other people to be able to find this to, to find their soulmate. I want to continue to live happily and in love no matter what year it is.
That’s a good place to finish this I believe. There is a lot more that I want to do in 2017, read the Harry Potter books, maintain a healthy lifestyle and to make more time for playing video games are up there on the list.
Maybe you could share with me what your goals are?
Take care of yourselves, and have a glorious 2017.